User:RyanREspinosa

Hello, my name’s Ryan. I’ve watched Mythbusters since day one. Rather than listen to the radio, it’s on DVR playing in the background whenever I work on projects. I’m not one for going on the fan sites and contributing. I created these faux-facts in the spirit of “Chuck Norris facts” in the hopes that fans and the cast themselves would get a kick out of ‘em; kinda like a micro-thanks for the macro-entertainment they provide, maybe even getting them out there on the internet so an age of “Mythbusters facts/True Myths” can attract new people to the show while being as big as Norris’ facts were… So, without further ado:

“True Myths” about Mythbusters- (Copyright - 2008 - Ryan R. Espinosa)

Jamie once died in the jungles of Cambodia- but with a pocket calculator and some Neosporin, he un-killed himself.

Adam holds the true world record for the tetris time-attack: 2 hours. This may seem below average, but he did it while simultaneously locating and taming a unicorn.

Adam tried finger painting as a child and created the first hologram.

The Mythbusters know how to make rock, scissor and paper in a single hand gesture.

For a short time, Grant did tech support for the Borg.

Jamie drinks 4 gallons of gasoline a day, so that he can use his urine to fuel generators or immolate the unrighteous.

The Mythbusters were part of the secret landing party on Endor. Their whittling and projectile weaponry skills were the reasons the Ewoks so easily defeated the Empire.

As a child, Adam played ‘doctor’ with a little girl and actually cured her leukemia.

The Mythbusters once started a car with a paper clip. They then drove that car to evil and killed it with the same paper clip.

If the Mythbusters had been in the movie Jaws, they would not have needed a bigger boat.

It is impossible for the Mythbusters to be up a creek without a paddle.

Earth doesn’t have a moon. That’s just the enormous ball of duct tape M5 has collected over the years.

After MacGuyver’s TV run ended, in a bout of depression and rage a chunk of Adam’s psyche broke off and formed a young Tori.

The Mythbusters get a +3 to both intelligence and dexterity.

Adam can use paper clips to travel through power outlets. (He used one in the late 70’s to sneak into the headquarters of the Emergency Broadcast System: Throughout the U.S. he shouted what records show was the first use of the phrase “Boo-Yah!”)

Jamie once beat Big Blue at chess. Yes, that’s been done before, but to celebrate he plugged one of the black knights into his ear and entered the world of Tron.

‘A stitch in time’- is what Adam can make with a sword and piano wire.

Jamie was one of the only kids to ever be recruited straight from the Boy Scouts to the Man Lords.

The Mythbusters almost instantly understood the movie Primer. (They were watching Grease.)

The Mythbusters can make ‘Busted’ into ‘Confirmed’, with a can opener and a mythturn. They can also make ‘Busted’ into ‘Plausible’- but the mythturn dies.

Technically, anything the Mythbusters produce is in ‘high definition’.

Once, Johnny 5 and KITT shared a special night of carnal bliss. 9 months later Buster was born.

Most forest fires are merely the result of the Mythbusters convincing trees to kill themselves.

Jamie’s sweat is bottled by M5 Industries and used for everything from Beano to saving Narnia.

Adam once used a shadow puppet to communicate with a black hole. Not to be outdone, Jamie lured in a pirate with one of his nautical whistles and used a shadow puppet to snap his neck.

The Mythbusters got Larry H. Parker 2.1 million.

The Mythbusters have saved lives, toppled regimes and averted global calamity- and they still have one or two pockets in their jeans they haven’t even checked yet.

The Mythbusters always fly for free because they take the place of the black box.

Half of a gold robot, a three-sided coin and a Polaroid of the Earth’s son going nova were all found under the cushions of a couch M5 recently dumped.

Some people kill time with a Rubik’s Cube- the Mythbusters can kill time with a Rubik’s Cube.

Adam once destroyed a dimension during a freak toaster accident. Ever since that day, he’s the only person who can remember the color orple.

The internet was invented after people observed a young Adam wiring himself money by climbing a telephone pole and whistling.

Aliens mistakenly thinking Jamie was a typical human male after getting deep space reception of Mythbusters was the only thing that saved Earth from the impending Grylaxian Razor Onslaught of 2004.

The Mythbusters invented ice… DANGER ICE!

A childhood dimensional experiment left Adam with both an innie and an outie existing at once.

Most TV show cancellations are really just shows removing themselves from TV because of feelings of inadequacy after watching Mythbusters.

Batman got his real start when his suit didn’t fit and he asked to borrow Adam’s belt.

Whenever you watch an episode of Mythbusters, the Mythbusters watch an episode of you.

To spare themselves the trouble of airport security, lines, check-in, etc., the Mythbusters often hitchhike on ninjas.

Adam once won bronze on the pommel horse with both arms and legs hogtied and a Leatherman in his mouth.

Underneath Jamie’s mustache is a switchboard he uses to talk to Thor.

The first images the Mars Rover sent back were of Adam and Jamie holding their breath and waving.

Jamie once splinted his broken leg with his other leg- then rode his bicycle home.

‘The Five Flatulent Fables’ -Legend says if you ever smell one of Adam’s farts- you know what he was thinking when he dealt it. -Legend says you can only smell one of Jamie’s farts if he wants you to. -Legend says that if you ‘smelt’ a Grant fart, time-space shifts so that, truly, you dealt it. -Legend says Kari has never been accused of farting- for she is a most cunning fartriloquist. -Legend says when Tori grows angry, he licks power outlets and farts lightning at hapless passerby. The Final Flatus Fact- By sound alone, the Mythbusters can tell you what you ate after you fart.

Jamie’s lordly he-sweat can clean blood stains- but only those of his enemies.

In the hands of Mythbusters, Cheerios really are donut seeds.

The Mythbusters can beat Plinko.

Adam was the reason Parker Lewis couldn’t lose.

People coined the term “Big Mac Attack” after watching Adam and Jamie knock out 4 Uzi-laden henchmen with the burger of the same name.

Adam made a working version of ‘the One Ring’ out of anger and a Skeletor action figure.

Grant once appeared on Celebrity Jeopardy- but lost- as every time he pressed the buzzer a crippled child was healed by a robot.

The Hellraiser puzzle box, the remote from Sliders and the flux capacitor are all results of Jamie’s last soap whittling class.

When Jamie uses sign language, deaf people can actually hear the words he’s signing.

Any vehicle Adam is in that reaches 88mph can travel in time.

Tori has understood everything ever said to him while ordering at a drive-thru.

Every Tootsie Pop the Mythbusters ever ate had an Indian shooting a star on it.

Adam can thread a needle with no hands, thread or needle.

Waldo asks the Mythbusters where he should hide.

Grant once beat Metroid without a controller- he just had one of his robots seduce the Nintendo.

Jamie cultivates a 40 foot tapeworm in his digestive tract in case of need for rope.

Jamie daily imbibes a cocktail of epoxies, gasoline and hormones- which allow him to lactate napalm and crazy glue, respectively, from his two nipples: Magnusson and Death’s Head.

Grant can convert pain and fear into electricity for the powering of his devices.

Adam doesn’t need an alarm clock. He knows the exact type and portion of food to eat so that at the moment he wishes an enormous fart wakes him up.

Jamie once put the Encyclopedia Britannica in a blender, then drank it. Eight hours and a pint of tears later he pushed the tri-force of wisdom out of his urethra.

Tori’s universal remote can be set to stun.

Jamie keeps a small silkworm farm in his duodenum in case he needs to squeeze out a parachute during freefall.

As a child, Kari was in a school spelling bee, but was disqualified for actually casting a spell.

Jamie wears a necklace made of the CPUs of all the communist robots he defeated.

Sometimes Grant goes to sleep with a brand new servo under his pillow, hoping that the Android Fairy will bring one more day of Spring.

Grant’s Apple II became self aware and wrote the pilot of Small Wonder.

Adam was one of the original American Gladiators- his name was Volt- but he got kicked off the show when he rubbed his feet on the stadium floor for too long and blew Nitro’s head off.

Grant looks forward to old age, as he says his kidney stones should be usable to double RAM.

Anti-technology Elves are the Mythbusters only natural enemies.

Grant calls humanity “fleshnology”.

Kari’s voice has been known to lull attacking robots to sleep.

The last time Jamie played Pong the arcade machine actually pooped.

The Mythbuster’s nipples CAN cut glass.

If you ever wake up in the basement of a church in Mexico, covered in gold paint and able to speak G-code… just go with it, the Mythbusters have been kind.

The Mythbusters don’t forget. They rememberget.

Jamie’s mustache is sponsored by Victorinox.

Latin is only a dead language because Jamie spoke its secret killing word.

The first colonectomy was performed when, as a last resort, Adam through his Swiss Army Knife at a fleeing henchman.

As a baby, Grants first words were in modem.

Many of the strange happenings that fuel myths can be explained when you realize that the Mythbusters dreams take place in reality.

One day in 1984, Grant babysat for a friend. He played with one of the kid’s skateboards, and later suped up their Atari 2600. The results of that day were what the Back to the Future Trilogy was based on.

Tori once fell asleep while watching a video of the Backstreet Boys on tour. His unconscious brainwaves rewrote the VHS recording. Yeas later the tape was discovered and released in theatres as Donnie Darko.

Jamie once inhaled a piece of plutonium. After about six sneezes, Voltron shot out of his left nostril.

Jamie can speak hieroglyphics.

The last thing Grant read was the internet.

Grant made an artificial pocket universe that he maneuvers through using Nintendo’s Power Glove.

Kari’s tooth fillings can pick up other people’s dreams.

Adam first synthesized Unobtainium from Lionel Richie.

Adam once sneezed and ended up inside the exploding pants episode. You can see him appear on the hill behind the pants the instant before the last, biggest explosion.

Grant invented the webcam so he could see what was going on outside his womb.

Every morning Jamie reads his weight in periodicals.

Kari’s reflection is self aware.

Tori once won a staring contest with himself.

Jamie once knocked out a Colombian drug lord with wit alone. Then Grant constructed a cocaine mech and leveled his villa.

The Mythbusters never go to the bathroom. Their bodies use everything.

The only picture the other Mythbusters ever found of a recent “vacation” Adam took was a Polaroid of him laughing uncontrollably while pogo-sticking through a mine field.

Tori and Kari are the only people ever to survive the obsolete-robot labyrinth beneath Grant’s house. (They wondered why he laughed so oddly after asking them both to ‘go get him a Zima’.)

Copyright – 2008 - Ryan R. Espinosa